that sudden urge to pull his face to yours in a breathtaking kiss as you pass him in the hall. daydreaming in class about what it would be like to be able able to kiss him anytime i wanted to. imagining your first date and the your second and then your fifteenth. that rush of pure joy imagining him waiting outside class for you and walking down the hall hand-in-hand and not giving a fuck about what others think of you cos in that you are the happiest you’ve ever been.

that awkward moment when reality hits you like a ton of bricks. it was all a dream and he won’t be waiting for you, he won’t be holding your hand and he won’t be kissing you. 

you know that feeling where you desperately want him to acknowledge your existence? where all you think about is if he notices you when you walk by each other in the hall. when you end up feeling like total shit cos he didn’t even see you and you were scanning the crowd just to catch a glimpse. 

and you don’t have to remind how desperate i sound, every day that goes by is a reminder. 

that drowning feeling, like you have no way to escape. you won’t even dare think of what it would be like to be happy cos you know it’ll never happen. feeling like you’re just an insignificant speck of dirt in the grand scheme of things. this overwhelming feeling that you don’t matter. the tears that come with the realization that you are completely and utterly alone.