I am terrified of dying. When I think of death, my heart squeezes and pushes up till it’s in my throat and refuses to go back down no matter how many times I swallow. When it suddenly hits me that everybody is going to die, some sooner then others. Me, my mom, my dad, my brother and sisters, my grandparents, my friends, my future husband, my kids, my grandkids. It scares me so much to think that I’ll be living while a person that I love is not. It breaks my heart to think of not existing and missing out on living with the people I love. What if I died tomorrow? Would I know I died? Would people cry? What song would my family play at my funeral? The thought of dying too soon fucking crushes me. My greatest fear, I think, is dying and not having done what I wanted to, not having lived my life. I feel like I’m wasting away. I feel like the clock is ticking. I’m sixteen.